I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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