What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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