Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
