This house was built for laser tag.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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