but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
