I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
