I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
