So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
