i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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