He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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