I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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