How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
birth control should be required to get into college
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
