Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
