I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
