you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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