He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
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