you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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