Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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