You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
