how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
