So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
