you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
