we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
