So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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