Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
