508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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