fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
