I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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