His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Randomize
