well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
