Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
