he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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