Just cropdusted the office
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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