i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
