my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
