Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
