I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
