forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
