At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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