I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
