remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
