Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
