This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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