I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
