I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
