Don't make out with my wife yet
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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