dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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