I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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