There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize