In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
