I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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