Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
