Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
