I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
