Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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