She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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