he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
