Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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