I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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