found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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