My friends, they love my intelligence
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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