i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
