i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
