I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
