Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
