I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
