dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
