just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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