Do you still have your period?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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