I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
