Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
