i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
