What did we do last night that was yellow?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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