You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
