i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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