If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
