Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
