How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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