Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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