You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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