you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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